Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Ice Man Shooteth

Do you like shots? Of course you do. Do you like your shots cold? Fuck yeah. But getting an ice cube into a shot glass is tricky. But what if... What if the shot glass was MADE of ice?

I give you Cool Shooters. $10 (plus shipping & handling) can bring your dreams to reality. As the folks at Busted Tees so extensively explain:
Fill Cool Shooters with water, freeze, and then pop out four fully-formed frozen shot glasses.
And the best part? No clean up. When you're done, toss the "glass" into a sink and 10 minutes later it's disappeared. Now if only they could create drunk slores that do the same.

I kid, I kid ladies.

*shakes his head and mouths "no I'm not" to the fellas*

He'll Be Here the Next 4 Years, Folks

...and, hopefully, longer than that.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Giving Erin a Little Help with her Braugh

Today is St. Patrick's Day. If you know me, you know what that means. Even if you don't actually know me, but happen to enjoy this blog, you know what today means. Hell, if you've ever happened upon me stumbling around in the streets on a random day, you know what today means. It means mayhem. May it please the court, I present:
I rest my case...of Guinness. In fact, by the time this post has been published, I should already have a cold beer in my hand—the party kicks off at 8 a.m. Let's get it.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Wifey Material: An Instruction Manual

I don't know who the gal below is, but I love her. And she needs to teach classes. Ladies, in case you're wondering if you're wifey-worthy, ask yourself two things:
  1. Did you ever think about sharing some Beam with your man?
  2. Did you think you needed a glass to do so?

From Sex, Cigars and Booze's Twitter feed.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Social Drinking Excellence: Rum(my)springa!

What's the one way you can make a drunken traffic accident funny? Well...

[From The Huffington Post]:
Cops in western New York arrested four young Amish adults on Sunday and slapped them with underage alcohol possession charges after they allegedly drank booze and crashed their buggy into a deputy's car. Police say the car had arrived on the scene to respond to complaints of people drinking in their buggies, MSNBC reported.

The unidentified men were riding down a rural road in Sherman -- about 80 miles southwest of Buffalo -- at about 7:15 p.m. when their buggy hit the Chautauqua County Sheriff's patrol car and flipped on its side, leaving all four with minor injuries, cops said.
This feels too easy, doesn't it? Drunk Amish teens out joyriding in horsedrawn buggies?
  1. Is there any chance this was just a mixup? I mean, doesn't it sound like they were filming a scene from a sequel to "Sex Drive"?
  2. Then again, the freaky little Amish chick in "Sex Drive" put in some work on old boy...which suddenly makes this party sound a lot more interesting.
  3. You may have noticed that the teens didn't get charged with DUIs. Does this mean that the horses would have had to have been drinking, too, for it to be a case of drunk driving?
  4. This line: "Several other buggies reportedly fled the scene." That line's just, like, the best line ever.
  5. Is anyone else picturing an Amish version of Boyz 'N The Hood? Or maybe "Dazed and Confused"? It's not just me, right?
Being that these kids were all underage, their names weren't released. Which means I don't know where to send the Rummy Award. How about Alice Greczyn just swings by my apartment and accepts it on their behalf?

Friday, March 9, 2012

Money Ain't a Thang

Think you're a baller? Alex Hope begs to differ.

From Blame It on the Voices:
Alex Hope is a 23-year-old "whizkid" from England, who made a fortune by trading foreign currencies. He is also the current record holder of the most expensive receipt (at least, made public.) £203,948.80 (about $323,000) he spent at the UnderGround night club at the Hilton Hotel in Liverpool this Sunday, where he ordered, among others (including "pussy shots") a 30-liter bottle of Armand de Brignac champagne, priced £125,000.
Things I need to know immediately:
  1. Does he plan on using the 20% off voucher at the bottom of the receipt next Tuesday?
  2. Who is the girl posing with him?
  3. Does she come with a "Pussy" shot?
  4. *looking around* Does she come with a "Pussy" shot?
  5. Is Hope currently hiring entourage members?
  6. If so, where do I send a resume?
  7. If not, does he plan on partying in Pittsburgh anytime soon?

Friday, March 2, 2012

Table Games

One of the bigger drawbacks to growing older is being forced to give up some of the fun you had in your younger days. Once you're finally in a place where you can afford all of the good booze—so long Beast, hello Sam Adams!—getting snockered on it during an epic, all-day Madden tournament is suddenly uncouth. Why should growing up mean giving up?

The folks at Man Tables [official site] have your back. Their finely-crafted end tables give the sophisticated appearance that peer pressure from the 9-5 world dictates you uphold, but beneath the surface lies a fully-functional mini fridge that any hardworking fella deserves.

Just imagine being able to watch the bowl games and not have to get up and grab another beverage from the kitchen. In this scenario both the man and the gentleman are appeased. The man is happy with his beverage in hand, while the gentleman is quietly satisfied knowing that his brother does not have one.

The Man Tables are available in three finishes; Tobacco, Espresso, and Black. Each of the three finishes are paired with hardware that accents the woods shine and luster. We offer the tables to be picked up or shipped anywhere in the U.S.
Simple, but brilliant. It's like having a career woman for a wife, who comes home and pulls off her power suit to reveal a French maid outfit. Sadly, those are much more difficult to find...and to afford. But at least now you can enjoy a cold beer from your end table during breaks in your search.