From the Southeast Missourian:
"They had told him the store was closed," Walter said. "He demanded one of the employees to open the window."
The employee reportedly responded by advising only the manager could open the window.
"He told the employee he wanted food and pointed the shotgun at that time," Walter said. "He said, 'If I don't bring some food home for my wife, she's going to kill me.'
It almost feels unfair to give this Rummy Award to Mr. Heuring without hearing his wife's side of the story. Did she really send him there for an Extra Value Meal, under the threat of life and limb? And, if so, was the shotgun her idea? Or was it just the extreme to which a desperate and terrified man will go?
[Crooked Straight is not responsible for the offensiveness of D.E.F.I.'s terrible and stereotypical print impression of a Southern accent...But you know any woman married to this guy HAS to talk like that.]
Either he's a drunken idiot blaming his pregnant wife for his decision to use the threat of deadly force to score some McNuggets, or he's put his seed in a woman willing to risk his freedom and safety in return for her McRib sandwich [okay, that's just hypocritical of me—who among us hasn't been similarly tempted by a McRib?]. In either case, Chris, you've earned this Rummy. Take a long hard look at it the next time you're in the mood for a late-night snack. ...Or procreation.