Four Loko Saves the World

As On the Rocks has methodically investigated Four Loko—a.k.a. the Drink That Will Live in Infamy—we have learned first of its dangers, and then later of its culinary merits. Now it seems there is yet another facet to the wonder lurking in these camouflaged 24 oz. cans.

From The Huffington Post:

RICHMOND, Va. — Truckloads of Four Loko and other alcohol-laced energy drinks are being recycled into ethanol and other products after federal authorities told manufacturers the beverages were dangerous and caused users to become "wide-awake drunk."

Wholesalers from Virginia, North Carolina, Maryland and other East Coast states started sending cases of the high-alcohol, caffeinated malt beverages to MXI Environmental Services in Virginia after the U.S. Food and Drug Administration announced a crackdown on the sale of such beverages in November.

...MXI distills the alcohol from the drinks, then sells the fuel to be blended into gasoline, Potter said. It sells the aluminum cans to a recycler. Potter estimated it takes "30 days until it's back on the shelf as another beer can." It also recycles the drinks' water, cardboard packaging and shipping pallets.

"These are actually things that could go directly into a landfill or incinerator or some other waste process that's not as environmentally friendly, so I think it's a good thing," he said.

Sometime soon your car, powered by Four Loko, could take you to a store to buy a case of beer cans made from recycled Loko cans; the pizza you buy while blacked out at 3 a.m. could be sold in a box made of cardboard recycled from Loko cases; and bottles of water you chug the next day could also be recycled from Loko. Now that's a harmony of existence.

I tangled with the Loko again on New Year's Eve, and I can attest to its effectiveness as an energy source. It fueled me through five or six hours of madness before I crashed into a brick wall disguised as Shannon's couch. And here I was thinking I'd been reckless with my intoxicated antics that night; turns out I was actually being environmentally-responsible.