Seeing's Believing

Fellas, the next time your morning after includes a surprise visitor—the kind that puts the "shame" in "walk of shame"—and your boys start preparing their Last Comic Standing auditions, remind them that you're the victim in this tragedy.

From Delish:

The study, which was published in the journal Alcohol (yes, it's real and academic), was conducted by scientists from Rochampton University in England. The study questioned why heavy alcohol consumption increased levels of attraction in people. The scientists theorized that this could be due to impaired perception of bilateral asymmetry in faces.

...As they expected, the scientists found that the inebriated students were unable to detect symmetry as well as the sober students. The drunk young Brits did not consistently prefer the symmetrical faces to the asymmetrical faces, unlike the sober ones. The unexpected finding was that men made fewer mistakes than women when determining facial symmetry - even when under the influence of alcohol.

So, while we guys have been conditioned to be ashamed of ourselves for letting the multiple rounds of Jager Bombs lower our standards, it's been the girls who've been using us for cheap and shameful mattress aerobics.

*curls into a ball in the shower, sobbing* "It's not my fault. It's not my fault. It's not my fault..."

Researchers say the study gives evidence that lowered inhibitions aren't the only cause behind beer goggles. Our ability to perceive instinctual visual cues of attraction is compromised, and this misleads the sloshed brain to see attraction where the sober brain doesn't.

Which sounds to me like...the classical definition of beer goggles. Exactly how much time and money did they waste on this research? This sounds like a big excuse to get a bunch of strangers drunk and horny. A few of those test subjects may be sobbing in their showers, too.

Don't worry guys. It's not your fault.