Social Drinking Excellence: Wild Pig

Go home, Pig, you're drunk.

From The Guardian:

The animal was seen stealing three six-packs of beer from campers before ransacking rubbish bags for food.

One camper reported seeing the pig guzzling the beer before getting involved in an altercation with a cow.

"In the middle of the night these people camping opposite us heard a noise, so they got their torch out and shone it on the pig and there he was, scrunching away at their cans," said the visitor, who estimated that the pig had consumed 18 beers.

"Then he went and raided all the rubbish bags. There were some other people camped right on the river and they saw him being chased around their vehicle by a cow."

The pig was reportedly last seen resting under a tree, possibly nursing a hangover.

TJ first sent me this story at about 9 a.m. today; 15+ hours later, I'm still searching for something witty to add to all of this. So far all I've got is, "Go home, Pig, you're drunk."

This might just be the most perfect news blurb to ever be blurb'd. But, for the sake of a challenge, let's see what I can do:

• Boy, Babe has really fallen on hard times since Pig in the City.
  
• Turn-back-the-clock-to-my-college-days-slam: A drunk pig on the rampage, rummaging through the trash for food? Weird. Kappas usually just hit up the soft-serve machine.
• The fact that no one has come forward with video footage of a drunk pig getting chased around a car by a cow is a travesty, and has left my life feeling incomplete.
• Does this make this pig the Australian version of Spuds MacKenzie?
  

Pig, I'll be hand-delivering your Rummy Award. I'm coming to Australia to drink with you.

Tipping Cows

Coming just a few weeks after my own story about drinking out in the countryside, this sounds...poetic.

From MSNBC:

Serious party foul: Six bovines crashing your bash and getting totally wasted on your beer. That's literally what happened in Boxford, Mass., last weekend when six cows emerged from the darkness, invaded a small backyard party and went, in the police's words, "right for the beer." The cows knocked over the drinks and lapped them up while startled guests called police. "They enjoyed it. There's no doubt about it," said Lt. James Riter.

I'm sure my fellow experienced drinkers recognized the table that was vandalized as being a beer pong (or, possibly flip cup) table. Given the few times I've ponged with farm animals within smelling distance, this story just warms my heart. The fact that no one from the party was found taking a joy ride on one of the cows, though, tells me that the group wasn't drunk enough.