Monday, September 9, 2013

Social Drinking Excellence: Wild Pig

Go home, Pig, you're drunk.

From The Guardian:
The animal was seen stealing three six-packs of beer from campers before ransacking rubbish bags for food.

One camper reported seeing the pig guzzling the beer before getting involved in an altercation with a cow.

"In the middle of the night these people camping opposite us heard a noise, so they got their torch out and shone it on the pig and there he was, scrunching away at their cans," said the visitor, who estimated that the pig had consumed 18 beers.

"Then he went and raided all the rubbish bags. There were some other people camped right on the river and they saw him being chased around their vehicle by a cow."

The pig was reportedly last seen resting under a tree, possibly nursing a hangover.
TJ first sent me this story at about 9 a.m. today; 15+ hours later, I'm still searching for something witty to add to all of this. So far all I've got is, "Go home, Pig, you're drunk."

This might just be the most perfect news blurb to ever be blurb'd. But, for the sake of a challenge, let's see what I can do:

  • Boy, Babe has really fallen on hard times since Pig in the City.
  • Turn-back-the-clock-to-my-college-days-slam: A drunk pig on the rampage, rummaging through the trash for food? Weird. Kappas usually just hit up the soft-serve machine.
  • The fact that no one has come forward with video footage of a drunk pig getting chased around a car by a cow is a travesty, and has left my life feeling incomplete.
  • Does this make this pig the Australian version of Spuds MacKenzie?

Pig, I'll be hand-delivering your Rummy Award. I'm coming to Australia to drink with you.

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