Social Drinking Excellence: Howard Brundage

The suspected third member of the burglary
ring.

Stories like this one make me smile, if only because it makes it that much more difficult for TJ to brag about how tough his hometown is.

Mr. Brundage, a 19 year old Chicago "man", was arrested Christmas Day on burglary charges. But this wasn't your typical B&E; this perp had an accomplice: Amber Rose.

From The Huffington Post:

According to a press release sent to The Huffington Post from the Riverside, Ill. Police Department, Howard Brundage allegedly broke into a woman's Riverside home and stole a bicycle. He then allegedly broke into another woman's home where he fell asleep on the couch. Police responded to the residence, where they cuffed Brundage.

"The victim in the second burglary woke up Christmas morning to a strange man sleeping on her couch," Riverside Police Chief Tom Weitzel said in the release. "The homeowner’s quick call to 911 made this arrest possible."

According to the release, Brundage told police he didn't know why he was in the woman's apartment and that the last thing he remembers was drinking marshmallow flavored vodka.

What the what? Marshmallow vodka? That's what did you in? Okaaaayyyy...

• Didn't even try to hide the fact that it was marshmallow vodka, Howie? No moment's hesitation? No "What were you drinking?" "Mar—uhh, vodka. Good ol', regular vodka. Heh..."
• If Brundage is openly homosexual, then I suppose none of this is that big of a deal. If he's closeted, though, well...he's not anymore.
• No, on second thought, I can't even picture gay men letting that one slide. Marshmallow vodka? Really?
• As festive as this guy's Christmas is, can you imagine what he does at Easter? He probably mainlines melted peeps.



Yet another crime. I tell
you, these NS-5's are
getting out of  hand!

• As for the crime itself, I'm curious: Was it his intention all along to break into the second house, and did he therefore only break into the first one for the bike because he needed a way to get to there?
• Was he actually partying with Amber Rose? If so, can we get her arrested on a conspiracy charge? Anything to keep her untalented ass off our TV screens and magazine pages.

Howie, your Rummy is in the mail. It's filled with Jameson. Drink up, and be a man for a change.

Hard Drink May Get Woman Hard Time

From The Huffington Post:

Police in Boise arrested 35-year-old Victoria Hill for allegedly shoplifting a single can of Steel Reserve lager from a grocery on Aug. 11 and charged her with felony burglary, a count that carries a hefty prison sentence of as long as 10 years, The Idaho Statesman reports.

...If found guilty of felony burglary charges for the $1.50 beverage, Hill could be sentenced to no less than one year in prison and a maximum of 10 years, according to the news agency.

Imagine if she had tried to steal a good beer? No one should be given 10 years in prison for stealing one beer. They should, however, be given 10 years in prison for having such horrible taste in beer.

Beware Strangers with Candy

Next time you're partying in Russia and a stranger offers you some cognac, do your best to say "nyet".

From MSNBC:

Three men who allegedly carried out a string of poisonings on commuter trains that left 17 dead are due to face trial in Russia, according to reports.

Investigators suspect the men plied drunk victims with a cocktail of cognac and tranquilizers before robbing them, The Moscow Times reported. In addition to the 17 dead, the attacks sickened an additional 15 victims over a three-year period in the Russian capital.

RT News reported that the trio — two Russians and an Uzbek — picked well-dressed passengers and approached them by saying they wanted to share a drink with them. Investigators told RT the men used neuroplectics, strong tranquilizers used to treat psychosis, to subdue the passengers.

I hope they give these guys capital punishment. Anyone who uses alcohol for evil purposes is an enemy of all that's good and decent in this world.

[What's that? Getting susceptible women drunk enough to do morally-questionable sexual acts could be construed as an "evil purpose"? Really? Uhh...hmmm...]

You know, upon further review, I think these guys are just misunderstood. Sure their crimes were wrong, but I think leniency is really the way to go here...

*cough*