Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Social Drinking Excellence: Howard Brundage

The suspected third member of the burglary
Stories like this one make me smile, if only because it makes it that much more difficult for TJ to brag about how tough his hometown is.

Mr. Brundage, a 19 year old Chicago "man", was arrested Christmas Day on burglary charges. But this wasn't your typical B&E; this perp had an accomplice: Amber Rose.

From The Huffington Post:
According to a press release sent to The Huffington Post from the Riverside, Ill. Police Department, Howard Brundage allegedly broke into a woman's Riverside home and stole a bicycle. He then allegedly broke into another woman's home where he fell asleep on the couch. Police responded to the residence, where they cuffed Brundage.

"The victim in the second burglary woke up Christmas morning to a strange man sleeping on her couch," Riverside Police Chief Tom Weitzel said in the release. "The homeowner’s quick call to 911 made this arrest possible."

According to the release, Brundage told police he didn't know why he was in the woman's apartment and that the last thing he remembers was drinking marshmallow flavored vodka.
What the what? Marshmallow vodka? That's what did you in? Okaaaayyyy...

  • Didn't even try to hide the fact that it was marshmallow vodka, Howie? No moment's hesitation? No "What were you drinking?" "Mar—uhh, vodka. Good ol', regular vodka. Heh..."
  • If Brundage is openly homosexual, then I suppose none of this is that big of a deal. If he's closeted, though, well...he's not anymore.
  • No, on second thought, I can't even picture gay men letting that one slide. Marshmallow vodka? Really?
  • As festive as this guy's Christmas is, can you imagine what he does at Easter? He probably mainlines melted peeps.
  • Yet another crime. I tell
    you, these NS-5's are
    getting out of  hand!
  • As for the crime itself, I'm curious: Was it his intention all along to break into the second house, and did he therefore only break into the first one for the bike because he needed a way to get to there?
  • Was he actually partying with Amber Rose? If so, can we get her arrested on a conspiracy charge? Anything to keep her untalented ass off our TV screens and magazine pages.
Howie, your Rummy is in the mail. It's filled with Jameson. Drink up, and be a man for a change.

No comments: