Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Social Drinking Excellence: Andrew Bishop

I suppose it's only right that, as November's presidential election nears, even things at On the Rocks are getting a little political.

From the Wisconsin State Journal:
A Minnesota man was charged Tuesday with felony criminal damage and entry into a locked building for allegedly breaking into the state Capitol through a fifth-floor window early Sunday.

Andrew C. Bishop, 21, of Roseville, Minn., had apparently scaled the outside of the Capitol and smashed a window to get into the building, then grabbed a fire extinguisher and threw it through another window, according to a criminal complaint filed in Dane County Circuit Court.

When police found him, he appeared to be passed out on a dome outside one of the windows, but woke up and began kicking at the glass, the complaint states.

Asked how he got where he was, Bishop replied, "I don't know." He apologized several times and said he felt like an angel and wanted to fly. Officer Justin Wichman said Bishop was very drunk, the complaint states.
I've always been a big supporter of a government by the drunks, for the drunks.
  1. Wisconsin may have a very legitimate claim as the nation's drinking capital. Not only is the University of Wisconsin renowned for its partying, but the city of Madison itself is attracting some special drunks from neighboring states.
  2. I feel like the fact that he climbed five stories up the side of a building with no equipment—while hammered—isn't getting its fair due in this story. Didn't they gloss over it a little too quickly?
  3. How do you feel, as a Wisconsinite, knowing that a drunk guy can scale the side of your state Capitol building undetected? And there's no way that this was a quick ascent, either. It had to have taken him a good deal of time to get up there, and no one that drunk is stealthy. Bishop was probably alternating between loudly singing Neil Diamond songs, laughing, and leaving rambling confessions of love on his ex's voicemail as he climbed.
  4. There's a Bishop / on-the-roof joke in this, somewhere...
  5. ...And an Ocean's 11 / Seagram's 7 lyric, too.
  6. Bishop broke in through a window, and then broke back out through a separate window. Does this make him a "flip-flopper"?
  7. ...Maybe he's related to Mitt Romney?
  8. Doesn't it almost feel strange that he wasn't naked? It seems inexplicable that the phrase "found laying nude" wasn't a part of this article...
  9. *thinking*...Maybe I've been doing these Rummy Awards for too long.
Mr. Bishop, your Rummy is in the mail. It comes with a grappling hook, 500 ft of rope, and a small pair of angel wings.

TJ with the assist.

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