Social Drinking Excellence: Jeremie Calo

*sigh* Fucking Florida. It's always Florida.

From The Huffington Post:

Jeremie Calo was arrested earlier this month for refusing to pay his $101 bar tab and fighting with a Florida restaurant manager after he and his date, Tiffani Lynn Barganier, allegedly had sex on a patio table in view of children.

...On the call, Murphy can be heard telling Calo to "sit down." The employee also tells the responder the man tried to flee the bar with two beers in his hands.

"He's shit faced now. He's being combative," Murphy explained.

Start the clock...

1. Is it just me, or does this lose credibility right around when Calo starts throwing up? The timing and sound are rather...convenient.
2. ...Never mind. All credibility was restored when the police called back.
3. In reading this account, one of the first things that popped into my head was "Well...wait...where did the girl go?" When you hit about the four minute mark of the recording, though, you realize...she got away! What the fuck?
4. That must be some good nook-nook, to be willing to catch a case while she escapes.
5. ...Or to, you know, feel the need to hit it on a table at a restaurant filled with people and kids.
6. Then again, they do know her name, which means he must have snitched at some point. Someone just gave up some hero sex.
7. I'm not sure what the absolute-worst-case scenario to wake up to after a blackout would be; but this has to be close to it, right? Typically, when you nervously ask your friends what you did the night before, you get something rather tame. "You tried to hit on some chicks but they laughed at you." Or, "You were too drunk to get into the bar, so I had to abandon my pursuit of true love." But in the back of your mind, you're just waiting for them to say, "Well, you had sex with some slut on a table at the restaurant, in plain sight of some little kids. Then the manager called the cops and held you under citizen's arrest while the chick ran..."
8. In case you were curious (I certainly was), Miss Barganier is pictured at right. Which brings to mind an observation I made while sitting in the Tampa airport last week...

Mr. Calo, your Rummy is in the mail. It's coming with a Holiday Inn gift certificate and a pack of Trojans.