Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Social Drinking Excellence: Oskosh, Bygosh

Sometimes, when you're hammered, the booze just has a way of finding you. TJ chalks an assist on this one.

From The Northwestern:
An 80-year-old Oshkosh man was arrested for his second drunken driving offense Friday afternoon after he failed to stop for a stop sign and struck a beer delivery truck.

The man was traveling west on West 17th Avenue at 1 p.m. Friday when he did not stop for the stop sign and hit a beer delivery truck that was traveling south on Oregon Street. The man then backed up 100 feet and hit another parked car, said Joe Nichols, spokesman for the department.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Drinking is poetry.
  • Was this a failed "smash-and-grab" job?
  • ...Was this Saul? Retirement has not been good to him.
  • Do you think he panicked as he realized the car was racing towards a huge truck, or do you think he saw what kind of truck it was and pressed harder on the accelerator?
  • How tempted do you think Budweiser's PR people are to turn this into an ad? [SCENE: An elderly man approaches a dark intersection, and sees a Bud Light truck approaching from the right. The old man smiles and says, "Here we go!", presses the gas, and crashes into the truck in a terrifying explosion of smoke, metal, and beer. When the dust settles, the old man is doing the Dougie in the middle of the street between two girls in Bud Light bikinis, as a party breaks out all around him...]
  • I'm fairly certain one or more of my friends has said at some time that crashing into a beer truck would be their chosen way to go. I can't hate on it, though I'd add, "...while getting head from Sarah Palin." Just to sweeten the deal for yourself—and for the world you'd leave behind.
Sir, your Rummy Award is in the mail. It has a beer-seeking radar built in for your next kamikaze mission.

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