Social Drinkers of the Week (9/29)

There comes a point where even I can't find anything to add to a story. This week's Rummy Award co-winners have pulled off the feat.

From KnoxNews.com:

Two men allegedly "got to drinking" and ended up running naked through the Tiger Haven sanctuary after they were fired from their jobs there, according to a Roane County Sheriff's Department report.

Tiger Haven is located in East Roane County off Harvey Road and houses more than 250 tigers, lions and other big cats.

Their names? Jake Loftis and—you can't make this up—Samuel Adams.

I understand the desire to get revenge on a company that fired you. I don't, however, understand wanting to do it by running around naked. Or getting naked and running around where you can, as the street nucca in my head would say, "get ate the fuck up". In fact, I can safely say that getting chomped on by a tiger is not on my list of things I'm keen on doing while naked. These two guys probably looked like a Whopper and side of fries to all of the lions and tigers as they ran through Tiger Haven. And I've done some running for my life a few times, but never while drunk. I can't even picture the two coexisting. Running while drunk, all you want to do is stop and laugh. Or vomit. Or both. When there's a big cat on your ass that's looking to Siegfried and Roy you, though, neither of those is really an option.

Jake and Sam, here are your Rummies. Next time you practice your special brand of wind sprints, you might want to use them as athletic cups.