Social Drinking Excellence: Keith Gruber

I really don't think there's anything for me to add to this tale. So I'll just give you the MSNBC.com report in full:

A New York man is being held in jail after showing up an hour and a half late for a court hearing on a felony DWI charge — he was also drunk and carrying an open can of Busch beer, authorities say.

Keith Gruber, 49, is in Sullivan County Jail without bail. He was allegedly carrying four more beer cans in a bag when he went through the courthouse security check on Monday.

The Middletown Times Herald-Record reported that Gruber, from Swan Lake, appeared before Sullivan County Judge Frank LaBuda, who asked him if he enjoyed his "liquid lunch."

Gruber said he did, then said he was sorry. LaBuda sent him to jail with no bail.

"It was obvious that he was intoxicated," LaBuda said according to the Herald-Record.

Gruber, who has prior DWI convictions, was arrested on Dec. 27 in the town of Liberty and had been out on $30,000 cash bail before this week's unfortunate court appearance.

A few thoughts:

1. Showing up for any court hearing drunk is just tugging on Satan's tail. But when you've been charged with a felony DWI? Well, you're not just pulling on Satan's tail, you're laughingly pissing on it.
2. Day-drinking is supposed to be limited to special parties, events, or basically days free of responsibilities/chores. If you call off work to get hammered all day with your boys while playing PS3? Maybe you're a bit of a slacker, but in general you're just a fun-loving person. If you outline your day by saying, "Let's see, I have to stop by the post office, go to my court date, and then stop at the store to pick up that medication for my mother. Hmmmmm...I'll never have time to finish this 12 pack before I leave; I'd better make them to-go," well then you have a legitimate problem, and it ain't the metal detector at the courthouse.
3. Admittedly, this has nothing to do with the drunken shenanigans in the story, but I love the irony that Gruber was arrested in "the town of Liberty".
   

Mr. Gruber, your Rummy's in the mail. It can also be used as a thermos, so you don't have to lug your "roadies" around in a bag.