Thursday, December 25, 2008

Behind The Scenes Of 'On The Rocks'

I'm not going to keep apologizing for my prolonged absences from the blog - after all, I chastised a friend about that only three months ago (you know who you are) - mostly because I just moved my happy ass to Pittsburgh, aka Defi's 'Hood. Thus, the apocalypse should be hitting mankind sometime in early spring.

While I searched for a new base of operations, my road dog Defi was kind enough to provide a couch for me, and I'm proud to report that, after his new flatscreen TV, the most valuable thing in his crib are the contents of his liquor cabinet. Please believe, our affection for alcohol is not a fabrication.

Since we were both relatively broke for the last month - me from the move and him from loading up for Christmas - we spent plenty of time in front of the aforementioned flatscreen. This gem occurred about a week ago, and I wanted to give the OTR faithful a look at how we do things, even when we're lowkey.

SCENE: Defi sits on the couch with a vodka/cran. TJ sits on the love seat with a Captain/coke. Both are facing the TV.

TJ: Yo, you wanna throw in the "Superbad" DVD you just bought?

Defi: Yeah, that's cool.

TJ: *sits on his ass waiting for Defi to follow through on his idea*

Defi: You're an asshole. *gets up, unwraps DVD, places it in the Playstation 2 and presses play on the remote*

Defi and TJ: *plow through more than a few glasses of booze while quoting half the dialogue five seconds before it plays and laughing hilariously*

(Yes, we think that's a good time. Screw you.)

The DVD ends. We're at a loss for what to do next. Defi picks up the DVR remote and says, "F*** it." He plays back "Dazed and Confused," a personal favorite of ours that we quote to each other endlessly even though we had never watched it together.

Two minutes into the movie:

Defi: "'Dazed and Confused' drinking game. Take a drink every time Mitch touches his face."
TJ, immediately: "Done and done."

(If you've never seen "Dazed and Confused" - well, first slap yourself. It's a mid-90s flick set in 1976 on the last day of school, and follows a group of teenagers in small-town Texas. It features a cast full of names you'd recognize before they became names, but one of those names you will not recognize is Wiley Wiggins, who plays the protagonist of the movie, a newly minted freshman hanging out with the high-schoolers. Unfortunately, it was Wiggins' first role ever, and it shows, because he can't act to save his life. Whenever he needs to show consternation, confusion, reluctance - pretty much any emotion - he grabs the bridge of his nose. This happens approximately 4,000 times in the movie.)

Mitch doesn't appear much early on, so we eased into our challenge. As things went on, we started emptying our glasses quickly. In preparation for what we knew would be a brutal run - Mitch grabs his nose about eight times in 45 seconds, and I'm not exaggerating - I tell Defi to pause the movie so I can reload.

Defi: *picks up PS2 remote and clicks pause*

TJ: *watches and waits for Defi to realize we're watching a DVR'd movie*

Defi: *keeps clicking pause on the PS2 remote*

TJ, from five feet away: "Dog, it's on the DVR."

Defi: *keeps clicking pause on the PS2 remote*

TJ, a little louder: "Dog, it's on the DVR."

Defi: *stops clicking, looks at the remote, points it at TV and starts clicking again*

TJ, a little louder: "Defi, the movie's on the DVR."

Defi: *stops clicking, shakes remote, curses and starts clicking again*


Defi: *stops, processes this information, then hangs head in shame*

TJ: *falls over couch while laughing so hard he sounds like he's choking*

Defi: "F*** you."

Love you, man. :)


The D.E.F.I. said...

I hate you. I blame Wiley for everything.

Wonderland Baby said...

*looks around wondering who was on the other end of the chastising*


I'll have you know that I am now VERY mindful of the words:

I apologize
I'm sorry
Anything that sounds apologetic.


Wonderland Baby said...

Psst... DEFI - Best blog like ever, LIKE EVER... Did I mention my favorite? Like ever. LOL (Happy now?) =p