Monday, January 20, 2014

Social Drinking Excellence: Michelle Rodriguez

This being a Rummy post is purely due to TJ's laziness.

He found this first. He could write, if he bothered to try anymore (#shotsfired). And he absolutely loves M-Rod, meaning this was meant to be a "Wifey Material" post if ever he was to post one.

But instead he's left it to me. I don't really care one way or the other about Rodriguez (she seems cool, but never wowed me physically). Which means she's getting straight clowned in this post. (Just remember it's your own fault, TJ.)

From Deadspin:
The Knicks' 89-85 victory over the Pistons last night was less a basketball game than a war of attrition waged by two armies that can't shoot straight. So what's a celebrity like Michelle Rodriguez supposed to do while sitting courtside at such a miserable sporting event? Get shitfaced, obviously.

The New York Post, which has its own gallery of photos of Rodriguez, reports that the actress spent most of the night boozing and vapin' on an e-cig, which is never a bad way to spend an evening.
Start the clock...
  1. Even though I may not be as big a fan of M-Rod as TJ, I obviously still consider her an attractive woman. But her drunk...is an ugly drunk. Madonne. She looks like a homeless man. A homeless man taking a shit. A homeless man taking a shit on all you love and cherish.
  2. I've been badly drunk when in the presence of a ladyfriend before, but those ladyfriends were never Victoria's Secret models. All I'm saying is, if Michelle still holds any traction with Cara, her tongue game must be exquisite.
  3. ...Respect.
  4. If you're a cop giving her a breathalyzer test, does the device read "point-ohhh yeahhhhh"...
  5. There may not be a celeb who's built up more of a "Fuck you, I do what I want" persona on a smaller resume. Rodriguez has had some good roles, but anymore she's really just another Fast & the Furious cartoon character. The whole "rebel without a cause" shtick works better when the person invoking it has the star power for it all not to matter. To put it in perspective, Rodriguez's I'm-drunk-and-fuck-you behavior is like Geno Smith smacking Giselle Bundchen's ass in front of Tom Brady at a Pro Bowl presser.
  6. Not that I'm a fan of Brady. Or Giselle. Or the Pro Bowl.
  7. The e-cigs kind of undercut that whole gangsta demeanor, don't they? You're basically saying you're as tough as Stephen Dorff.
  8. You know, looking back, I'm really off base here. Obviously Michelle uses a strap-on, not her tongue.
  9. ...Respect.
  10. Based on the fact that she seems so nonplussed throughout all of the photos from this night, can we assume that Cara Delevingne might be the more likely sexual deviant here? It's easy to picture Michelle as a "top," but given her state and Cara seemingly being okay with it, is it possible that Rodriguez awoke in the middle of the night with her, uh...ahem...face being used as a hippity-hop?
M-Rod, here's your Rummy. There's a recent picture of TJ included, so your personal security and the local police can be properly prepared.

1 comment:

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