Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Social Drinking Excellence: Ryan James Stephens

This one's quick and involves a simple lesson: When you're drunk and the police aren't concerned with you, turn and stumble away.

From CBS News:
An Ohio man has been charged with a misdemeanor for barking at a police dog.

It happened in the Cincinnati suburb of Mason - the police report says 25-year-old Ryan James Stephens is charged with teasing the K-9, which was in a patrol car.

Officer Bradley Walker wrote that while he investigated a car crash at a pub early Sunday morning, he heard the police dog barking uncontrollably inside his car. Allegedly, Stephens - the "animal impersonator" - was making barking noises and hissing at the real thing.

Walker reported that when he asked the barking Mr. Stephens why he was harassing the canine, he said "the dog started it." The officer also said Stephens appeared highly intoxicated (which is actually reassuring in this case).
If you're ever so drunk that you decide to grab the attention of a cop who isn't paying you any attention...yup, you deserve to end up where Mr. Stephens did. And you don't deserve to drink. All you're doing is wasting a perfectly good inebriation. Maybe instead of bothering with all of the paperwork and taking up the court's time, the cop should've just opened the car door and let the dog exact its own revenge. I'm sure it would have left quite the toothmark on Stephens' memory.

Mr. Stephens, your Rummy's in the mail. It has a built-in dog whistle, in case you want to communicate with your canine friends again.

Props to TK for spotting this one.

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