Miracle Pill

As an established drinker, I treat hangovers like police departments treat Black citizens: an unpleasant but incurable fact of life. I have yet to test out a hangover cure that wasn't total bullshit. Put fluids and food in you, get as much sleep as your schedule will allow, and keep a toilet nearby, just in case. Really, those are the only tools afforded to us in this world.

Or, rather, those were the only tools. Now, thanks to the research of Jeremy Glass at Supercompressor, there's a new weapon to consider adding to your arsenal: Drinkwel.

As the Vice editor for a major online publication, my email inbox is constantly flooded with requests from companies asking me to get wasted and try their "miracle hangover cure." Most of it is nonsense. Needless to say, I was a bit skeptical when a box full of hundreds—literally hundreds—of Drinkwel pills appeared on my desk. I'm a smart drinker nowadays...for the most part. I drink in moderation, try not to mix, and hardly ever shove anything weird down my throat anymore...

...But after my long boozy night, I popped three before bed and woke up feeling amazing. Like I had drank a glass of milk and been in bed before Letterman. Like I had fallen asleep in a hammock near a lake. Like a spring chicken covered in dandelions and doused in morning dew. Something like that.

Interesting. But I'm still skeptical. Jeremy lists a five-day "binge" of testing Drinkwel on different types of drinking nights, but few of his alcohol intakes sound all that threatening to begin with. His hardest night sounds like a happy hour for my friends and I.

Nevertheless, I'll be on the lookout for Drinkwel at my local retail outlets (oh god, I may actually have to go into Whole Foods), in the hopes of putting it through a real road test.