The Boozing Field Survival Kit

Every adventurer knows that specific tools and equipment are vital to his or her safe voyage through lands unchartered and escapades unpredicted. The youngest of us learn to “always be prepared” in our boy (or girl) scout days, and that motto should serve as an important lesson for us as drinkers in our adult years. Alcohol is good for bringing about the unexpected—that’s one of the many things we love about it. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t crucial to be ready for some of the obstacles that will get thrown your way.

The items on this list are essential for smooth navigation of the good times, and should be considered standard gear for any true enthusiast.

Bottle Opener

You don’t have to carry around a large steel one like most bartenders keep handy (although I’ve always found something rather sexy about female bartenders who work with one sticking out of the back pockets of their jeans…but I digress). A simple keychain opener is usually enough (that’s mine to the right). I’m sure that 90% of your beer drinking (if you’re of similar finances as me) involves pop-tops and screw-caps. But few things are more frustrating than being handed a cold Heineken, Corona, Sam Adams, etc. at a party, and having no way of quenching that all-encompassing thirst. And nothing says “knight in shining armor” like being able to come to the rescue of a cutie who is facing that same frustration.


Camera

This one hardly needs to be said, since these days even the cavemen in the Geico ads have camera phones. And the cyclical popularities of digital cameras and social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook has turned every 20-something girl out on the town into Annie Leibovitz, snapping away as her gal pals vogue with glee. But there is some honesty to the intentions; capturing the moment becomes all the more important when you’re unlikely to have any personal recollection of that moment the next day.


Cards

Raise your hand if you have ever been gathered at a friend’s house, apartment, dorm room, etc, with beers in hand, but at a loss for conversation or entertainment. More than likely, your solution was the same that my friends and I have employed on numerous occasions: a deck of cards. There are an infinite number of drinking card games, and they usually require little more than a coffee table to set up.


Pong Balls

On my way to a party a few years ago, I got a call from the hostess, who asked me to stop by a store and pick up some pong balls for the beer pong table. As I stood in the sporting goods store that day, a revelation hit me: “I should keep a pack in my car for emergencies.” I bought one and threw it in my trunk, and was instantly impressed with my cleverness (of course, that could just mean that I’m easily impressed…but I digress). When I told some of my friends about this, I received the skeptical jokes and laughter that I expected. But when the hosts of a party held not long thereafter found themselves with beer, table, cups, and eager participants, but no beer pong balls, the jokes and laughter ceased.


ID Card/License

This item would seem to be a no-brainer. Bars and clubs across the country require proof of age—often even before you can enter. Yet time and time again, plans get stalled by the dreaded “Dude, I forgot my ID.” Maybe I’m just a creature of habit, but I never leave home without my driver’s license. Especially since it’s always in my wallet, which is something you kind of need when it comes to purchasing alcohol in a bar or store.

I have noticed, though, that occurrences of this error have lessened with age and experience. Now that my friends and I have grown a little older, we rarely (if ever) find ourselves hindered by a missing ID card. For those readers out there who are still early in their career, however, heeding this advice can save you the aggravation and time that experience costs.


Gatorade/Powerade

I really can’t remember when or where I learned about the merits of drinking Gatorade to chase a hangover. I know it was some time after graduating college, but by now it feels like I’ve been doing it all my life. I typically keep one or two 32 oz. bottles (or “morning after pills”) in my refrigerator, chilled and ready for action.

Most drinkers are aware that water is a more than suitable substitute for fending off the day after’s misery; some even chug water before going to bed after a night of imbibing. Personally, I find it easier to throw back something that has some flavor, but to each his or her own. Some form of hydration is necessary, though, all the more so to assist in the use of…


Aspirin

If religious zealots the world over had their way and drinking disappeared tomorrow, companies that make aspirin would probably go out of business the following day. That is, unless you can get a headache from boredom.


Flask

The classic hip flask isn’t necessary for your day-to-day, typical night-on-the-town boozing. No, this is for special occasions, like weddings and road trips (if you’re a passenger), when there is a need for discretion. At the risk of sounding somewhat hypocritical, though, this is the one item on the list that I do not personally own—yet. I am determined to attain one by the end of 2009.

Luckily, some brands of liquor can be bought in small flask-like bottles. One of the events during my Senior Week in college was a dinner cruise on the rivers. Pittsburgh’s Gateway Clipper Fleet sells alcohol on their boats (at inflated prices), and therefore doesn’t permit you to bring any onboard. Little did they know, however, that I had two small pocket bottles of Hennessy tucked into my coat. For the better part of the night I deftly ordered only plain Cokes from the bartenders and waitresses, and yet found myself pleasantly twisted by the time we returned to the dock.


Hopefully, most of you out there in the trenches of the war on sobriety are well aware of the importance of each item on this list. If not, then your next move should be to properly arm yourself. Then add alcohol and ice, and stir. Salud.