Wifey Material: Jenny Mollen

We all know I'm a sucker for a Maker's-Mark-drinking-gal with a firm grasp on life.

Jenny's that rare mix of beautiful, destructive, and hilarious that every guy covets. Unfortunately for the rest of us, Jason Biggs got to her first. ...Well, definitely not first. But he was the one who finally tamed her, and to the victor go the spoils.

Following her on Twitter is like looking through the shower peephole in Porky's—but instead of seeing girls' naked bodies, you get an unadulterated view of girls' naked thoughts. Which is no less sexy, but a whole hell of a lot scarier.

The best glimpses into Jenny's in-a-still-socially-acceptable-way insanity are found in the blog she writes for The Smoking Jacket. Any woman who can, in one moment, write about soaking the expensive white couch in an A-list Hollywood producer's office with period blood; in another, methodically act out a twisted revenge plot against a star-fucker who dissed her for her husband; and, in yet another, tell the tale of trying to find a Vegas hooker for a threesome with Biggs... Well, that's a special lady.

Jenny, since Biggs has already won your heart and I have no shot in that department, I have an alternative request: Can you interview each new girl in my life before I date her? I think you'll know just what level of crazy is good for me. And any applicants that score over that level can go onto a list of potential menage candidates for you and Jason. Two birds, one stone.

*thinking* And if you use that last line as the title of your next threesome tale, I want royalties.