In lieu of any recent stories from us, we offer you our new role models, gentlemen who will be included in the inaugural class of the On The Rocks Hall Of Fame, if and when we ever create such a thing.
Stories courtesy of the Associated Press:
JACKSON, Mo. -- Curtis Lemons was supposed to report for jury duty in a drunk driving case. Instead, according to authorities, the 50-year-old Cape Girardeau man skipped the jury duty so he could drink himself.
Lemons received a summons to appear as a prospective juror in the case. When he didn't show up on Monday, a bailiff called his house. Lemons told the bailiff he was too busy to come to court.
Associate Circuit Judge Scott Thomsen instructed officers to bring Lemons to the courthouse. Deputies say they detected a strong odor of alcohol on him. Lemons was held in custody while the DWI trial went on.
Authorities say Lemons told the judge he had been drinking rum in the morning. Thomsen found Lemons in contempt of court and fined him $250.
PROVIDENCE, R.I. -- A man who state police said had a blood alcohol level more than six times the legal limit when he was arrested in July has pleaded no contest to drunken driving.
As part of a plea deal, Stanley Kobierowski was sentenced Friday to one year probation, a $500 fine, 40 hours of community service and a one-year loss of his driver's license.
The 34-year-old Kobierowski was arrested after driving into a highway message board on Interstate 95. Authorities said he had the highest blood alcohol level ever recorded for anyone in Rhode Island who wasn't dead.
Police said Kobierowski registered a .489, then a .491, breathalyzer tests. The legal limit in Rhode Island is .08.