Wifey Material: Oktoberfest Frauleins

Okay, so technically they're Polish. But, if I can manage to trip up Dupa as we race in their direction, it won't matter.

Prost!

Man Men down!

Don't worry, they're not dead (so far as we know). They're just at Oktoberfest. Alan Taylor gathered 34 fantastic photos of the annual German bacchanalia for The Atlantic. I've provided a few of them here, but the full gallery is definitely worth a look. Unless seeing these is causing you to seethe with jealousy because you can't go. In which case, I totally understand. Totes.

Shake It Up

I have officially started my 2012 Xmas list. And I'm sure my fellow mixology n00bs will join me in that move after reading this:

Ready for an extra shot of fun? This shaker and dice set is grown-up drinking game for people with a thirst for adventure. It comes with a set of eight wooden dice and a working, 16 ounce cocktail shaker that will help you shake up your drink menu, spontaneously generating unique cocktail combinations--including your brand new favorite!

The dice are marked with a variety of potent "variables", from basic liquors like gin and rum, to fruit juices, seasonings and soda waters. Roll the six colored dice, survey the results and eliminate up to two of them to determine your recipe. Roll the two black and white dice to reveal how your cocktail will be prepared and served. With a new surprise to savor with every use, this set will add an extra kick to your next party, as well as offering a fun way for you to explore your liquor cabinet and expand your mixological expertise.

If you've ever tried creating a new drink of your own, you'll surely appreciate the brilliance of Cocktail Dice. It's like Russian Roulette with booze. How can that possibly go wrong?

Social Drinking Excellence: Robert Hagerman

More and more, Florida is becoming the biggest collection of crazy in this blessed 50-state union. From MSN Now:

Some people have a unique definition of the word "emergency." That’s certainly true of Seminole, Fla., resident Robert Hagerman, 56. He called 911 because his daughter wouldn’t get him a beer, police said. Of course, that’s not what he told authorities when he rang them up. He said his daughter was hitting him, throwing things at him and using drugs. When police arrived at the house they found a very intoxicated and uncooperative Hagerman. His daughter, luckily, had recorded the melee on her phone, and played it for the officers, who arrested Hagerman for making a false report of a crime. So until he pays the $150 bail, he'll be doing the kind of time that has nothing to do with Miller.

My thoughts:

1. The most shocking part of this story might just be that Hagerman's daughter isn't currently dating TJ, Dupa, or me.
2. ...Of course, it may also be that neither TJ, Dupa, nor I are Robert Hagerman.
3. They never explain just why his daughter was being stingy with the beer. Whatever happened to respecting your parents? I mean, he brought you into this world...
4. ...Then again, if he's crazy enough to call 9-1-1 on her over it, I guess it's safe to assume she was of sound reasoning.
5. Am I the only one who thought to himself, "He really needs to adopt a rescue dog"? I need to stop watching so much TV.
6. I said it before, and it bears repeating: "Considering how many crazy news stories come out of Florida these days (naked, face-eating man, anyone?), just how jaded do you think 9-1-1 operators in that state are? ...These folks might be the closest thing America has to the Royal Guards in England."

Mr. Hagerman, your Rummy is in the mail. It can be taken apart, and the pieces can be used to construct a conveyor belt from your fridge to your couch.

SoCo with Banana

Ironically, he's the only one who's really comfortable during this ad.

Jaws of Life

Three and a half years ago, I told you about the Boozing Field Survival Kit. A good bottle opener was the very first item of the kit that I listed, and I still have my trusty opener fastened to my keychain. But that might all change very soon. The folks at Cranky Monkee are here to reinvent the game.

Weighing just 1.14 grams (.04 oz.) KeyShark is the World's lightest keychain bottle opener. That's less than half the weight of a U.S. dime! How did we do it?

Highly engineered using the same sophisticated stress analysis and optimization techniques used to design aircraft tooling, KeyShark is lightweight, ergonomic and comfortable to use. KeyShark uses your own keys for leverage and seamlessly integrates the index or middle finger in optimal position in use. Fabricated from the highest strength tempered aerospace aluminum using a state of the art waterjet cutting process, KeyShark provides minimum weight and maximum performance.

I see you, KeyShark. And, at only $5 (and only $1 for shipping and handling), I plan on seeing you in my mailbox, too. Very soon.

No Rest for the Bleary

This smacks of genius. These glasses are finely-crafted; so finely-crafted, in fact, that they won't stay upright when they have liquid in them. Which means you'd better tip it at your lips, or it's going to tip all over the table.

Order them from TheCheeky.com.

One for the Road

I'm starting to think the world's best ad men are from Australia.