Mardi Gras 2012

You have no idea how much I wish I was in New Orleans right now. If you're there, I hope you're doing it right. Drink about 200 for me.

Laissez les bons temps rouler!

Do It Right

It's the weekend, after all.

Are You Gonna Go My Way?

This is good ol' fashioned American ingenuity at its best. Kellyann Wargo, a University of Michigan senior, needs money for the booze. Who doesn’t? So she’s decided to get paid for doing what she does best—picking up the slutty ladies of Ann Arbor in the morning, after they’ve done god’s work with their random hookups the night before.

From Bro Bible:

I have a particularly friendly roommate (Amanda) who takes advantage of my access to the mom van [sic] that I drive- I have it for work. She always texts me to pick her up in the morning and then I make her buy me McDonalds for payment. With spring break quickly approaching I realized I can't keep eating McDonalds the way I do. She suggested I make a business out of it because she, like many girls, doesn't want to call a taxi that takes forever and is usually some sort of father figure, middle aged man, driver.

I fully support anything that encourages drunk coeds to let their not-so-inner-slut out. Though I would point out, Kellyann, that your pledge of discretion is somewhat undermined by how casually you just outted Amanda. (Amanda, if you’re reading this…scream at me.) And throwing in the Plan B coupon? Sheer genius.

Now can someone please start a service like this in Shadyside?

Turner & Hooch'd

"Man, fuck the cat..."

Requiem for a Dream

This is quite brilliant, really. I may have Mr. Sandvoss build one of these for me. Not sure which would be the better part: Showing off the finished product, or drinking the 318 beers needed for building material.

From The Huffington Post:

New Zealand carpenter Steve Sandvoss saved a year's worth of beer bottles in his garage. When deciding what to do with them, he opted to take on a man's highest dream and make it a reality by building a bed out of beer bottles.

The resulting frame used 212 large and 106 small Heineken bottles and took 20 hours to make. The most intoxicating aspect is the fluorescent lights Sandvoss installed at the base of the bed, giving the green bottles an alien glow in the darkness. See more images of the glowing green bed frame on Trade Me here.

The bed sold online for over $3,000, exceeding the reserve price by $500. The cash will help pay for his upcoming wedding, although Sandvoss won't let it go without second thoughts. "I think I'll get really emotional when I sell it," he said to The Dominion Post. Who knew beer beds were so romantic? Perhaps he can also begin investing in supplies for his next big carpentry endeavor. (We're waiting for the phrase "I'm busy working on my beer bed" to catch on...)

If you plan on spending any time in the US soon, Mr. Sandvoss, let me know. Until then I'll be busy working on my beer bed.

Wifey Material: Jenny Johnson

If you're not on Twitter, chances are you've never heard of Jenny. But she's easily one of the funniest women around (at least on Twitter). And, as the tweet below shows, she knows how to get it in.

You know when you make a drink that's too strong and instead of pouring it out, you drink it and then you smell colors? Blue smells round...

— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) February 11, 2012

Steve McKenna'd

“The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid” ~Richard Braunstein fb.me/1kKCnRJbO

— Zane Lamprey (@zanelamprey) February 10, 2012

Social Drinking Excellence: Some Norwegian Guy

Normally I give you a tale straight out of a police report about some fella or gal that got blotto and decided to do something extraordinary. But I have no real background story on this, and as far as I know this gentleman hasn't broken any laws (unless you count "common sense" as a law). But I think we can all agree, that he is wholly deserving of a Rummy Award for his actions in this little video gem. (Kids, don't try this at home...)





I literally have nothing to add here. Other than this: What's more foolhardy—operating a chainsaw while drunk, or operating a chainsaw while in your underwear? The answer is "C: Operating a chainsaw while drunk and in your underwear, and on skates."

Sir, your Rummy is in the mail. Instead of putting a special gift inside of it for you, I want you to pour some of that vodka into it and send it back. I've gotta try this stuff.

Thankfully, I don't skate. (Yet?)

Go Big Blue

Justin Tuck, your gangsta will never again be questioned by me.

From Shutdown Corner:

To celebrate the New York Giants' victory in Super Bowl XLVI, defensive end Justin Tuck gave every member of the team an engraved bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue.

The New York Post reports that Tuck handed out 80 bottles to teammates, coaches and staff on Tuesday morning before the team's victory parade. Each 750-milliliter bottle was engraved with "Super Bowl XLVI champions." The total cost was $17,600, or $220 per bottle.

Well damn... Yo Justo, I was cheering for you guys on Sunday. Can you send a bottle my way?

People in Boston, I would imagine, aren't all that appreciative of this display. Don't worry folks, you'll always have the Bruins' victory party at Foxwoods last summer.

Cool Cat

"Next round's on me!"

"*sigh* You're such a dumbass when you're drunk, Mittens."